m: grant, no more soda for today, please.
g: (while holding a sunkist orange soda) mama, there is no soda in this pop!

giving thanks

g: mama, why this thing under my penis? (ie: scrotum)
m: I don't know, that's just the way God made it
g: Oh, thank you penis-maker-guy!!

e: mom, anyone can marry anyone-you know.
anyone could marry someone with brown or black skin, you know.
I am going to marry Eli, and he has red hair.

(in regard to using the private changing room at swimming lessons)
e: "We should go in there, some people might be allergic to seeing naked people"

g: Mom, I'm not Jack Clemons, I'm Grant David Albrecht.
K, Mom? I'm not Jack Clemons.

e: They don't have a car [the little's in stuart little] so they use a cabbage [cab]

g: (2:10 am) mommy! you have boobies!
m: yes, grant, I do.... but you NEED to be sleeping.
g: ok.

----
Was that some sort of pre-pubescent dream about his mom?? eew.

e: This is the worst day of my entire life! And, Mom, don't say this is the way life is!
Emma didn't want to play with me--she is NOT my cousin anymore!

m: ella, I have told you that I would rather you not watch this [hannah montana], please change the channel
e: BUT MOOOOM! SHE'S FANCY! AND I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BE THAT FANCY!

g: mom, do you like my butt-crack?

g: I tooted! It's in my butt-crack!

m: ella, what are you doing?
e: Not watching iCarly!

e: mom! I want to have my birthday party at the same place as we had it when I was 6. I really want Bella to be able to come and there are no stairs to the room--so she could come!

(bella is in a wheelchair)

e: mom! eli is not just my friend anymore--he's my boyfriend.
we really missed each other over the summer. we're going to get married.

The first grader:

Apparently "first-grader" and "tenth-grader"
mean the same things these days:

g: mom! I luff yeeeww!
g: mom! Ellllla luffs yeeeew toooo!

m: ella, what are you doing?
e: tickling my bom-bom
m: why?
e: my bom-bom likes to be tickled--it feels good
e: grant! I'll tickle your pee-pee
m: um, no, we do not tickle other people's privates.....

e: I wonder why jesus made it rain so much today?
g: where's jesus?
e: in heaven.
g: what cabin?
e: no! not at the cabin--in heaven! He lives on a cloud and has wings.
g: oh.

e: mom, I should have a TV in my room, that way, when I'm in time-out I'll stop crying faster.

social stereotypes at their finest:

g: mama! I have an owie on my finner, I need a bin-DADE!
m: ok.... (mama goes to fetch bin-DADE)
g: NO! NOT THAT bin-DADE!!!! THAT'S A GIRL bin-DADE!!!! (had snow white on it)
m: a what??
g: A GIRL bin-DADE!!! I WANT A BOY bin-DADE!
m: well, what's a boy bin-DADE?
g: spongebob one!

e: boys have way more fun than girls, because they watch StarWars and StarWars is a really cool movie.

g: I have a tummy-ache on my back

Ride 'Em Cowboy & Girl:

on a future career in advertising

m: are you excited to see bockie's new car?
e: yeah, and I bet she got money back from it.
m: what? what do you mean, money back?
e: well, if you buy a car, you have to pay for it, but then you get money back.
m: oh yes, of course.

e: mom, I want a big sister... she could teach me how to ride my bike with no training-wheels and how to do text messages. I'm going to ask jesus for a big sister.

m: hey, we got fraggle rock today in the mail! It's from when I was little...
e: so it's really old then?
m: um, yeah, sort of

m: can I squeeze your butt?? I just love your butt.
e: no, you can squeeze my butt and kissy me on thursdays
m: ooooooooh, I can't wait for thursday! Only three more days!

e: I need to send Breck a text message at nickjr.com

The Naked Pitcher:

g: where you going?
m: to work
g: uuuhhhhh, you go work everyday, mama!

g: I wanna to go on there [the tv] with Troy Bolton!

**Apparently I have been a really bad blogger mom, I WILL get to it one-of-these-days**

Happy Birthday Grant!

m: what are you doing? (as ella quickly scoots in the door)
e: just bringing something inside.
m: like what something?
e: you won't want to know.
e: a pet.
m: what kind of pet?
e: a slug..... see?! I told you that you wouldn't want to know.

(Grant talking to Joie)
e: Grant! Joie can't understand you. She doesn't speak english, she only speaks dog english!

m: hey el, just a reminder, don't use the potty downstairs because it's clogged.
e: I know because I clogged it.....I went poopie and wanted to try wiping my own butt and I had to use lots and lots of toilet paper.

m: ella, what do you think you want for your birthday?
e: I dunno, I think I pretty much have everything I need...

Happy Birthday Baby!

Huge Milestone!!!!!!!

4/20/09: Ella has her first loose tooth.

On re-runs:

m: we just saw this handy-manny the other day
e: yeah, maybe the guys pretending it wanted to do it again, maybe they thought it was fun. Like they wanted to say "calm-down" again or something....

On Easter:

m: ...and then Mary went to the tomb and Jesus wasn't there
e: was the easter bunny there?

e: "mom, I'm afraid I can't go to school today..."

On wishes:

Grant, what do you want for your Happy Birthday?
"A snow-plow!"

Ella, what do you want for your Birthday?
"I dunno.....maybe a princess dress like Chloe's"

Ella and Ms. Elling, Twins!

The Famous Girl:

The 2009 Orono Community Education catalog,
distributed via mail to all district households.

Pinkie Toes? Who needs 'em?

3 Lacerations on left pinkie toe? CHECK!
Pools of blood? CHECK!
Parent's freaking out? CHECK!
Urgent Care? CHECK!
Glue? CHECK!
Steri-strips? CHECK!
Antibiotic? CHECK!

Spring [boring] Break:

Dear Ella,

I am aware that you are the only [or nearly the only] child from your Kindergarten class that is in Minnesota this week. The others are visiting exotic places, building sand castles or skiing on mountains. I realize this. I also realize how incredibly challenging it is to write in your "Spring Break Journal" each day, when the highlight of your day is a trip to Costco or going through the carwash with the cool rainbow soap.

I'm hoping that someday you'll look humbly back on these experiences and realize that a trip through the carwash playing I-spy with your Mom in the minivan IS actually a priceless moment, sure, it's not hand-picking bananas in Costa Rica.....but I did let you pick out gum at Target on Sunday.

Someday, I promise, we'll go on a vacation as a family....it might not be until your senior year of highschool, but it will come. In the mean time, I pray that you don't notice the kids with the sun-kissed faces on monday morning....

Love, Mama (who thinks the rainbow soap IS quite awesome)

"The Wish"

"We wish peace, food and happiness to all the children in the world.
Thank you! Gracias, gracias, gracias, gracias, Danke!"

Panda Daily Record: 3/17

".....I am working on using my hands to take off my snowpants to avoid meltdowns."

Correction:

g: SHUT-OUT!!! SHUT-OUT!!!!
e: Grant! It's SHUT-UP!, not SHUT-OUT!!
m: Ella!! No! Do NOT correct him. We don't say that anyway.
e: Why? he was saying it wrong!

(ugh.)

advanced public school vocab 101

e: blah, blah......I swear, mom.
m: you what?
e: I swear
m: please don't say that
e: why?
m: because it's like saying you are going to say a swear word
e: what's a swear word?
m: it's a bad word, like damn, for example
(which, thanks to boppy dan, ella is quite familiar with the term damn)
e: yeah, and damn-it
m: yes, that too
e: and the S-H-word
m: the what??
e: the S-H-word
m: What S-H-word exactly??
e: (whispering) shut-up
m: oh, yes, that one too.

Whooooooops!

What happens when it's supposed to be winter, but just one day it's 45 degrees causing the snow to melt.....followed by an evening of below 30 causing the melted snow to freeze?? Well, this morning we woke to this surprise:The truck was at the TOP of the driveway when we went to bed....

BFF's

chloe & ella
wild game february 2009

4:18am

g: GET ME MY SNACK AND MILK!!!!!!!!
MOM, GET UP!!!! GET ME MY SNACK AND MILK!!!!!
m: Grant, it is NOT morning yet, you need to go back to sleep.
g: Cock Say?
m: 4:18, that means ni-night time, NOT morning.
g: ME POTTY'S COMING OUT!!!!!!!
m: ok, let's go potty, but then we're going back to sleep.
g: ok, sure.

(Hmmm, can you say bipolar disorder?)

Via phone:

e: hello?
m: hi honey!
e: mom! buddy is getting into mischief and he spilled bockie's salt all over and it's a total disaster
m: oh no!
e: yeah, and I wrote on your facebook, mom! yeah, I wrote, "I love you to the stars."

Be sure to check out the "translating grant" portion of the blog (down and to the right)...the "Cock-Say" and "Snake-poopie" entries are sure to bring a chuckle....

"you are the best person ever! from olivia"

m: ella, who's this from?
e: oh, olivia from my bus
m: is she your new friend?
e: she wants to be my friend, but I don't want to be her friend
m: why? she seems so sweet to have made you this nice note
e: because she smells.

Seriously, so blunt. I remember smelly Neil from elementary school, and it is true~it's hard to hang with the smelly kid. Olivia dear, I don't know you, but my guess is, you don't really smell.

At dinner (at a restaurant):

e: mom, what does HELL mean?
m: What does what mean?
e: HELL! What does HELL mean?
m & d: um.....................well.................it's just not a really great word. Where did you hear it?
e: on Home Alone, the guy says "get your hell out of here!"
m: oh..........yeah...........about that.............
let's just not say that word. Just because it's in a movie, doesn't mean we repeat it.
m: and we really should never say it at school.
e: yeah, like I should just say it at home-right?
m: no, not really. you really shouldn't say it ever. k?
e: just in private?
m: well, not really there either........it's really not a good word to say ever. ok?
e: ok.

e: Mom, my new favorite color is clear.

e: Bockie (gramma annie), do you know that Bok-Obama is our first President with Brown Skin?

Sibling Rivalry?!

Overheard this morning:

e: Daddy, you have a much bigger peepee than Grant!

Oh NO, not yet~This is only Kindergarten!

e: Mom, I have a GAP shirt too!

Major Milestone:

Ella read, really read a book to me last night! Not a memorized book, a new book that she actually sounded out and read the words... no turnin' back now.....here she comes!

A few all-time favorites:

Celebrity Recognition

holding up the cover of this month's people magazine:

m: Grant, who's this?
g: BOK-OBAMA!

(m: That's m'boy!)

g: you yike me mommy?
m: grant, I love you.
g: no, you YIKE me mommy?!
m: yes, grant I like you.
g: oh-kay!

sweet thang

g: you pick-a up-a me, mommy?
m: yes...grant, I picked you up today.
g: mama, me miss-a you today.

Stereotypes at 30 months:

g: (with toy vacuum in hand) Me the Mama!

e: mom, what does nickelodeon mean?
m: it's a channel on tv
e: there's a person in mr.nelson's class named nickelodeon
m: no, probably not honey, there are no people named nickelodeon
e: yes....a boy, his first name is "nick" and his last name is "lodeon"
m: (hmmmmmmm)

Got Laundry?

Like I Could handle anything Else.

Monday: Ella has itchy head, hmmm...might just be dry skin.
Wednesday: Ella has bugs, hmmmm....
Look on internet, find what to do. Learn it is NOT ok to douse head in kerosene, move to plan B. Call dad to stop at drug store--instruct to buy entire lice aisle. Call all playdate families from the past week, alert them of the epidemic. Apply lice treatment to both ella and mom since we share a brush....wait 12 minutes, rinse. Apply "nit gel" and comb. Pick out live bugs, try not to vomit. Douse hair with olive oil, cover in shower cap. Strip all beds and couches of all things that can go in washing machine. Spray "bedding spray" to entire house. Find it funny that bedding spray indicates "do not spray on pillows, sheets or clothing"....hmmm...keep spraying. Cram washing machine with infested bedding, hats, mittens, jackets, stuffed animals. Follow with drying cycle. Learn that many hats and mittens were wool and now have mini winter accessories. Look on internet to see if there has been anything forgotten. Learn one mom buzzed her daughter's hair to rid the creatures....hoping that is not our path. Slam glass of wine. Try to sleep, feel bugs everywhere.
Thursday: Call school, talk to nurse. Rinse olive oil. Find a few additional buggers. Go to drug store to buy the "better comb" Follow directions, comb one inch sections of wet hair until all hair is combed and nit free. Try to convince 5 year-old that she should hold still and stare at the toilet so that mom can rid her head of the blood suckers, scare her into holding still by telling her that she'll never go back to Ms. Elling's class unless all the lice are gone. Spray bedding again with the do-not-spray-on-bedding-bedding-spray. Clean house, vacuum, vacuum again, and once more. Bathe daughter, wash hair for last time for next 7 days (learned on internet that lice don't like clean hair) comb hair diligently with nit comb once more.....only find one nit. Slam glass of wine while watching Grey's.

on augmentation:

e: mom, look! my boobies are getting bigger!

Happy New Year!