m: grant, no more soda for today, please.
g: (while holding a sunkist orange soda) mama, there is no soda in this pop!

giving thanks

g: mama, why this thing under my penis? (ie: scrotum)
m: I don't know, that's just the way God made it
g: Oh, thank you penis-maker-guy!!

e: mom, anyone can marry anyone-you know.
anyone could marry someone with brown or black skin, you know.
I am going to marry Eli, and he has red hair.

(in regard to using the private changing room at swimming lessons)
e: "We should go in there, some people might be allergic to seeing naked people"

g: Mom, I'm not Jack Clemons, I'm Grant David Albrecht.
K, Mom? I'm not Jack Clemons.

e: They don't have a car [the little's in stuart little] so they use a cabbage [cab]

g: (2:10 am) mommy! you have boobies!
m: yes, grant, I do.... but you NEED to be sleeping.
g: ok.

----
Was that some sort of pre-pubescent dream about his mom?? eew.

e: This is the worst day of my entire life! And, Mom, don't say this is the way life is!
Emma didn't want to play with me--she is NOT my cousin anymore!

m: ella, I have told you that I would rather you not watch this [hannah montana], please change the channel
e: BUT MOOOOM! SHE'S FANCY! AND I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BE THAT FANCY!

g: mom, do you like my butt-crack?

g: I tooted! It's in my butt-crack!

m: ella, what are you doing?
e: Not watching iCarly!

e: mom! I want to have my birthday party at the same place as we had it when I was 6. I really want Bella to be able to come and there are no stairs to the room--so she could come!

(bella is in a wheelchair)

e: mom! eli is not just my friend anymore--he's my boyfriend.
we really missed each other over the summer. we're going to get married.

The first grader:

Apparently "first-grader" and "tenth-grader"
mean the same things these days:

g: mom! I luff yeeeww!
g: mom! Ellllla luffs yeeeew toooo!

m: ella, what are you doing?
e: tickling my bom-bom
m: why?
e: my bom-bom likes to be tickled--it feels good
e: grant! I'll tickle your pee-pee
m: um, no, we do not tickle other people's privates.....

e: I wonder why jesus made it rain so much today?
g: where's jesus?
e: in heaven.
g: what cabin?
e: no! not at the cabin--in heaven! He lives on a cloud and has wings.
g: oh.

e: mom, I should have a TV in my room, that way, when I'm in time-out I'll stop crying faster.

social stereotypes at their finest:

g: mama! I have an owie on my finner, I need a bin-DADE!
m: ok.... (mama goes to fetch bin-DADE)
g: NO! NOT THAT bin-DADE!!!! THAT'S A GIRL bin-DADE!!!! (had snow white on it)
m: a what??
g: A GIRL bin-DADE!!! I WANT A BOY bin-DADE!
m: well, what's a boy bin-DADE?
g: spongebob one!

e: boys have way more fun than girls, because they watch StarWars and StarWars is a really cool movie.

g: I have a tummy-ache on my back

Ride 'Em Cowboy & Girl:

on a future career in advertising

m: are you excited to see bockie's new car?
e: yeah, and I bet she got money back from it.
m: what? what do you mean, money back?
e: well, if you buy a car, you have to pay for it, but then you get money back.
m: oh yes, of course.

e: mom, I want a big sister... she could teach me how to ride my bike with no training-wheels and how to do text messages. I'm going to ask jesus for a big sister.

m: hey, we got fraggle rock today in the mail! It's from when I was little...
e: so it's really old then?
m: um, yeah, sort of

m: can I squeeze your butt?? I just love your butt.
e: no, you can squeeze my butt and kissy me on thursdays
m: ooooooooh, I can't wait for thursday! Only three more days!

e: I need to send Breck a text message at nickjr.com

The Naked Pitcher:

g: where you going?
m: to work
g: uuuhhhhh, you go work everyday, mama!