Career

g: I can totally draw this (in reference to the illustration on a Wii game package)
m: Yeah, maybe you want to be an Illustrator when you grow up, an illustrator drew that.
g: Mom, I'm already going to be a worker guy and a hockey player. I can't be three things!

"Some radios have bad words in them"
- Grant Age 5

Safe Search: ON.

Ella: Mom, what if you googled "what is a weenie?" and the computer didn't know you meant hot dog and it showed you pictures of boys' privates?

The Birds and the Bees

Grant: How do boys get babies?
Mom: Well, they marry girls and the girls have the babies.
Grant: Can I marry you?
Mom: No, usually boys don't marry their moms. And beside, I'll be really old by then.
Grant: Well, it's ok, 'cause I'm gonna be a PlowMan and PlowMans don't have any kids.
Mom: They don't, why not?
Grant: They just don't. They only have Plow Trucks.

e: I really like Tacos, especially the Mexican kind!

g: I wish I was a girl so my private place couldn't get hurt. Mom, do you wish you were a boy so you could wear belts?

G: "When I grow up I'm going to be a police-mans... well, not actually a police mans, a plow-guy... yeah, a plow guy-- that way I can plow your driveway and bockie's driveway"

....and, we're back!

g: I love spiderman, and he loves me too!

g: Mom, I don't like insects.

g: Ella, you're so cute when you get on the bus.

e: ....we put this paint stuff called glaze on the bowl--but not on the bottom because it would stick to the microwave.
m: you mean kiln?
e: oh yeah, kiln.

e: what's for dinner, mom? ....and it better not involve chicken!

m: Ella, so you want sauce on your noodles?

e: NO WAY! Sauce makes me sneeze in the night

g: I like to poop.

e: Shyla must be sniffing my shirt because it came straight from the North Pole.
j: And you think she smells the reindeers?
e: Yes, it smells like reindeers and Santa.

m: grant, no more soda for today, please.
g: (while holding a sunkist orange soda) mama, there is no soda in this pop!

giving thanks

g: mama, why this thing under my penis? (ie: scrotum)
m: I don't know, that's just the way God made it
g: Oh, thank you penis-maker-guy!!

e: mom, anyone can marry anyone-you know.
anyone could marry someone with brown or black skin, you know.
I am going to marry Eli, and he has red hair.

(in regard to using the private changing room at swimming lessons)
e: "We should go in there, some people might be allergic to seeing naked people"

g: Mom, I'm not Jack Clemons, I'm Grant David Albrecht.
K, Mom? I'm not Jack Clemons.

e: They don't have a car [the little's in stuart little] so they use a cabbage [cab]

g: (2:10 am) mommy! you have boobies!
m: yes, grant, I do.... but you NEED to be sleeping.
g: ok.

----
Was that some sort of pre-pubescent dream about his mom?? eew.

e: This is the worst day of my entire life! And, Mom, don't say this is the way life is!
Emma didn't want to play with me--she is NOT my cousin anymore!

m: ella, I have told you that I would rather you not watch this [hannah montana], please change the channel
e: BUT MOOOOM! SHE'S FANCY! AND I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BE THAT FANCY!

g: mom, do you like my butt-crack?

g: I tooted! It's in my butt-crack!

m: ella, what are you doing?
e: Not watching iCarly!

e: mom! I want to have my birthday party at the same place as we had it when I was 6. I really want Bella to be able to come and there are no stairs to the room--so she could come!

(bella is in a wheelchair)

e: mom! eli is not just my friend anymore--he's my boyfriend.
we really missed each other over the summer. we're going to get married.

The first grader:

Apparently "first-grader" and "tenth-grader"
mean the same things these days:

g: mom! I luff yeeeww!
g: mom! Ellllla luffs yeeeew toooo!

m: ella, what are you doing?
e: tickling my bom-bom
m: why?
e: my bom-bom likes to be tickled--it feels good
e: grant! I'll tickle your pee-pee
m: um, no, we do not tickle other people's privates.....