g: mom, do you like my butt-crack?

g: I tooted! It's in my butt-crack!

m: ella, what are you doing?
e: Not watching iCarly!

e: mom! I want to have my birthday party at the same place as we had it when I was 6. I really want Bella to be able to come and there are no stairs to the room--so she could come!

(bella is in a wheelchair)

e: mom! eli is not just my friend anymore--he's my boyfriend.
we really missed each other over the summer. we're going to get married.

The first grader:

Apparently "first-grader" and "tenth-grader"
mean the same things these days:

g: mom! I luff yeeeww!
g: mom! Ellllla luffs yeeeew toooo!