Monday, March 31, 2008
Puh-leeese, STOP. Seriously, it's not funny anymore.
it's like we're living in a big bubble like that movie w/jim carrey and the rest of the country is laughing as they watch us on their big screens. "Oh look at her, she has to leave her minivan at the bottom of the driveway and shovel two tire tracks to
get up...how sad...and look at that guy- he just spun out into the ditch....oh and there-that kid just tipped over in his snowsuit."Yeah, funny, ha ha.
change the channel please.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
worst mom ever.
I mixed up beach day and movie day. e has $3 for her movie today while everyone else has on their "vakini's." bad, bad mom.
two boys at ella's school:
boy one: I just got my flu and hepatitis-a vaccines.
boy two: oh.
boy one: I've heard hepatitis-a is a really serious disease.
boy two: oh.
boy one: I've heard hepatitis-a is a really serious disease.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Mommmmmmmmm!
I absolutely adore my children and I love being called Mom. But some days (like today) I've heard enough Moms. Mom! Mama! Mom, watch this...., Mom, Grant is....., Mom, what is....., Mom, can I...., Mom, I wanna....., Mom, when will....., Mom, where is....., Mom! Mommmmmm!!!!! Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama!! Again, I LOVE them, but maybe just once they could lay off the "Mamas." Let's give Gary a try..........Gaaaarrrryyyy! Yes. I love it.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
old mother hubbard
Hi and welcome to the Albrecht's, we hope you enjoy your pickles and milk....would you like ketchup or ranch with that?
"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." — Anne Bradstreet
...well, I suppose....but 5 more inches of snow, really?!?!
****(3/22/08, 9:43pm) for the record-as of now, we have had a whopping EIGHT inches of really heavy, sticky, wet, my mini-van won't get up the damn driveway, snow. ...and yes, I am crabby about it****
...well, I suppose....but 5 more inches of snow, really?!?!
****(3/22/08, 9:43pm) for the record-as of now, we have had a whopping EIGHT inches of really heavy, sticky, wet, my mini-van won't get up the damn driveway, snow. ...and yes, I am crabby about it****
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
a great new "REALITY" show:
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each
for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids, keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and
pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives,
and send cards out on time.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist
appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and
inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care. He must also make cookies
or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times with no
budget.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and
all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with
jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished
and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal
cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never
once complain or slow down from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least
once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night
and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth, and comb
their hair by 7:00 am.
Within 1 hour of time, read all food labels effectively and only purchase
groceries and school snacks that do not contain (even in small amounts) ;
egg, milk, soy, corn, pork, beef, artificial dyes and colorings all while
staying within a budget. Try that one.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be
required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday,
height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the
child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each
child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song,
favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear, and what they want to be when
they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins
only if .... he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's
notice.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again
for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!
for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids, keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and
pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives,
and send cards out on time.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist
appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and
inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care. He must also make cookies
or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times with no
budget.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and
all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with
jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished
and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal
cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never
once complain or slow down from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least
once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night
and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth, and comb
their hair by 7:00 am.
Within 1 hour of time, read all food labels effectively and only purchase
groceries and school snacks that do not contain (even in small amounts) ;
egg, milk, soy, corn, pork, beef, artificial dyes and colorings all while
staying within a budget. Try that one.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be
required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday,
height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the
child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each
child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song,
favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear, and what they want to be when
they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins
only if .... he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's
notice.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again
for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
brilliant idea? I think not.
Some guy w/no kids: I know, I know, let's make paper plates that are in the shape of animals and their ears and/or legs can be separate compartments so the food "doesn't touch"...No. NOT a good idea. You see, when child knows there's something under his mac-n-cheese, the great idea goes flat. One would think child would eat to reveal the character. No. Not it at all. Child dumps the plate over...instant gratification. Lunch on placemat, penguin snickering beside:
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
e never lets me take her picture...
...Side note as I type this:
e: mom, it looks like you have an earring in your cheek.
m: no, that's a scar from when I had Chicken Pox.
e: did I ever have Chicken Pops?
Monday, March 10, 2008
Who needs pockets?!
Q. what do you do when you would like to play with your cookie monster truck, but you are holding a sippy-cup in one hand and a piece of bacon in your other?
A. well, you put the bacon in your armpit, of course!
(sorry, no picture...you'll have to imagine the hilarity)
A. well, you put the bacon in your armpit, of course!
(sorry, no picture...you'll have to imagine the hilarity)
Friday, March 7, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
it's only the fifth of march.
Mom, help me with my boots! Mom! my mitten fell off! Mom! Boongie tipped over again! Mom! there's snow in my sock! Mom! I have to go potty (after the bundling) Mom! can we play outside even though it's negative thirty?! Mom! Boongie's eating dirty snow! Mom! Mom! MOM!!!!!!!!!
Is it just me-or has this been the LONGEST winter in history?? I am ready to strap my kids onto a treadmill in front of the TV. Maybe if we all moved south together then no one would be "leaving family." I've heard Tennessee is nice. How's about it?? Who's with me?? I'll start packing...
Is it just me-or has this been the LONGEST winter in history?? I am ready to strap my kids onto a treadmill in front of the TV. Maybe if we all moved south together then no one would be "leaving family." I've heard Tennessee is nice. How's about it?? Who's with me?? I'll start packing...
Sunday, March 2, 2008
...and one more....
Tonight is a night of blog postings. Really, I'm not just sitting at my computer documenting the muses of my evening, well, I am, but I have managed to parent, shower, put away laundry and do a quick freelance project tonight...this though, I do have to share. I'm not one to evangelize religion or politics, but today at Church our Pastor shared a joke that was told by an author who spoke there this past week (I think it was James Wallace (??), he, and Deepak Chopra both spoke this week at WCC) anyhow, the joke was a part of the sermon:
"A man is drowning in the Potomac river, 100 feet off shore. The Republicans come and throw a 50-foot rope and say "Here ya go, you gotta work for it." The Democrats come and throw a 200-foot rope.............and let go of their end."
...just goes to show......I should be president. or not.
"A man is drowning in the Potomac river, 100 feet off shore. The Republicans come and throw a 50-foot rope and say "Here ya go, you gotta work for it." The Democrats come and throw a 200-foot rope.............and let go of their end."
...just goes to show......I should be president. or not.
the clock said:
Scenario: G crying, Mama in other room
M: Ella, what happened this time? (only asking her b/c she's the one who can talk, not accusing...but historically, it is her fault)
E: I tripped him.
M: On purpose?
E: Yeah.
M: Why?
E: Because the clock said it was time to trip my brother.
Seriously, where does she get this stuff?! This came just an hour after G had a mouthful of blood and Ella claims she had "just hugged him." oooh, sibling rivalry....I'd put money on stitches for one of them in the next 12 months.
M: Ella, what happened this time? (only asking her b/c she's the one who can talk, not accusing...but historically, it is her fault)
E: I tripped him.
M: On purpose?
E: Yeah.
M: Why?
E: Because the clock said it was time to trip my brother.
Seriously, where does she get this stuff?! This came just an hour after G had a mouthful of blood and Ella claims she had "just hugged him." oooh, sibling rivalry....I'd put money on stitches for one of them in the next 12 months.
10-4.
I've think we've officially earned our spot on the Mound Police daily patrol route. Yep. Yet again, we've had a visit by the men in blue. (I haven't officially been keeping track, but I'd say this was at least visit #6 in 4 years) So embarrassing....I was making dinner, daddy was at the office, kids were playing with saran wrap....doorbell rings. dogs freak. I go to the door, and upon seeing Mr. [super cute] Officer I think "Oh, lord-now what?!"....then I realize I had just hung up the phone after G had been playing with it for 30 minutes....yes, my dearest little one called 911...and I didn't even have a bra or mascara on...
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